Is It Just Me?

Is it just me? Am I a horrible mother & wife because the house is a mess? Am I a flaky friend for often forgetting to respond to texts until a day later because I'm too busy checking off my To Do list ? 

Can I just not handle the pressure of running a household & raising kids? Do I just not have what it takes to be a good mother & wife?

Is it just me?

These questions often fill my mind.

The thing is...I have always wanted to be a mother. For years I've watched my mother cook, clean, entertain us, love us & teach us. She is my friend & advice giver, the family referee, the adventurer & dream chaser, the creative crafter (seriously!), the business idea planner & inventor, the warm  hug giver & comforter, the silly one that makes us all laugh...she is my mom & with that comes SO many jobs & roles in our family!
 I look up to that & aspire to be all those things.
All in all....I think I'm doing okay. I mean, I clean & organize well. My family thinks I'm a pretty decent cook & baker. I'm fun & creative. I've taught my daughter many things, including a bit of sign language as a baby & she now speaks over 100 words @ age 17 months. 

So why do I often find myself so inadequate & so overwhelmed by the endless "To Do" lists? I mean I'm just: running a household, caring for an active & somewhat demanding toddler & our high energy puppy, trying to nurture & grow a young marriage, working on improving my health, starting a healing & weight loss journey**, trying to run a blog, running an at home business, & of course keeping up with the little day to day things, ya know like showering & eating, cleaning, dishes..., oh & since we eat mostly "clean" in our house, it takes a bit more planning to ensure meals are nutritious & unprocessed.
This list doesn't even include doctor visits or responsibilities such as keeping up with friends' & family members' lives. 

To top it off, my husband doesn't get home until around 9pm-11pm each night. Which means I am the one taking care of everything during the week. Thank God we live 'with' my husband's family so I have people around if I really need an extra set of hands or someone to watch the baby so I can use the bathroom for 10 seconds. :) 

I  essentially have to steal time to get work done...like right now my daughter is supposed to be napping but instead she is ripping pages from a book. Let me go swap out the book for a teddy bear.
Be Right Back.

And now she is throwing a tantrum because she doesn't want to nap (a problem we face daily). 

Excuse me a moment while I try and get her settle down. 

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Okay, what was I saying....oh right...

I often feel like the work load listed above is easier than I perceive it & it's just me...I'm just lacking.

Anyone feel this way or is it just me?
"Just me"....this phrase is constantly used in my week. With my husband's schedule, I feel the pressure of being the one to run our household pretty much solo. I try not to ask him for too much help because with 12-16 hour days I think he's more exhausted than I am. But that being said, I often feel like a single mom. 

But that is where my thinking is flawed. When I alienate myself from God & try to carry it all on my own back, I am going to crumble. I just can't do this on my own! 

That's just it....I am relying solely on myself. I fight so hard not to ask for help from others and even worse...from God.

I NEED HIS help! I really do! I guess that's what He is teaching me, that my good intentions of creating a scheduled & functioning household is great...but without Him in the picture daily...my life is like a sinking boat, holes & all, using a sippy cup to dump out the water.
God needs me to trust Him enough to get out of the sinking boat & walk above the water hand in hand. 

 The enemy wants me to feel overwhelmed to feel like I can't do this at all & that I have to do this on my own.
My pride always comes before the fall. You know that moment, when you're sitting on the bedroom floor, head in your hands, tears down your face, thinking...I am such a horrible parent because I can't even meal plan right/keep up with laundry/keep up a cleaning routine [insert imaginary shortcoming here]....

I hope I'm not the only mom who has had one of these moments where you just want to crawl into bed & give up until tomorrow or maybe just toss that To Do list out the window & movie binge Netflix with a whole container of ice cream.
 It's not just me right? 

I think it also scares me that I only have one child right now...I get the feeling it's going to get a lot harder with more and as they grow up. 

I am learning that I am doing the best I can & that's all I can do.
If I put the important stuff first, everything else will find its place. I have been trying to put aside my busyness & lists to spend more one-on-one time with my daughter.
My days are so much better when I focus on my blessings & the time I get to spend with her. Time goes so quick! She needs me right now and the one on one attention...and I am beyond happy to give that to her. God gave me her as a responsibility and a gift. So if that means the laundry gets put off one more day, I think it will be okay. More important things got done...like my daughter learning her colors or singing along to Elmo. ;) 

My hope is someone reading this feels as I do & understands they are not alone! Not only do many of us not have it together, but you have an even bigger help if we just seek God!
 If we rely on Him for strength & our ability, everything will fall into place. The house may still be messy & that To Do list may still have many things left unchecked. But when our focus shifts, the more important things will get done & mommy will have more peace.
And when Mommy's happy, everyone is happier. :)

 We moms need to seek community. We need to connect to other moms that don't have it all together & are not perfect. Not that a perfect mom actually exists. BUT for the service of other moms, we need to admit where we have faults or struggles & reach out to others.

So...what I'm learning in all of this chaos is we need to:

*Admit we can't do it alone but that we don't HAVE to do it alone!

*Do the best we can & be content with our best!
*Know that God created us with unique talents, personalities & is aware of what actual flaws we need to work on with & through Him. Not the imaginary flaws we create in our hearts. I'm sure Jesus does not care if we are not "Pinterest-worthy" bakers or crafters.
*Know that each one of us has a different situation and story....so STOP COMPARING your household, family, or situation with others or society's ideals. 

*Put the most important things first....like precious time together with our children, spouses & families. 

*Take time for yourself, self care is just as important and caring for your family.
 *Take time for you & God, do a devotional or set time aside daily to read the Bible 

*Constantly count your blessings!! There is more to be thankful for than there is to be frustrated about. 

*Seek community & friendship with other moms

God Bless & May You Find Your Peace & Validation In Him

**=see my post on this